Tuesday, 30 April 2013

"You don't have to go but I'm not giving her up"

So, I really did have a choice, didn't I?  ....errr no. Sometimes my ex was bloody stupid. I could put up with most things but not that. Talk about cake and eat it! 
I don't know what was worse. Finding out he was cheating or realising he really meant it.
I was really ill at the time. They called it a " mixed state" . Mixed up for sure. I didn't even know what day it was half the time. I don't remember that much but I remember thinking that if the one person who was supposed to look after me had given up then it must be bad.
I can't even remember why he told me he was having an affair. He told me who she was and I looked her up on Facebook . Ffs she was a frikkin motorbike freak. The one thing I hated and his passion. He told me he still loved me but that he couldn't deal with me. He told me she was a " breath of fresh air". I've only had contact with the woman once. I spoke to her and I didn't like her. She said he told her he wasn't married, which she knew was bollocks because she's known him for years. She said she was sorry I was ill and how difficult it must be for me. What the hell would she know? That was it. I think anyone who knowingly has an affair with a married man is a lying, cheating , conniving bitch, no matter what . I hated her with a vengeance at that point. I've never spoken to her again. 
I could just imagine him giving her the sob story of how difficult it was having a mentally ill wife, blah ,blah. The truth is if he'd have spent the time with me instead of just leaving me to get on with it and disappearing off with her, I might have got better more quickly.
I'm sure if I hadn't been so off the wall, I'd have fought a bit more but it really wouldn't have made any difference. Once something is so broken its virtually impossible to fix. 
I do remember arguing and throwing a bowl of sweet corn at him. Sounds funny now. He called the police and told them I was mental and he was worried what I'd do. I think the more mental he thought I was the more he could justify what he'd done. Of course the police came but couldn't do much. They didn't  cart me off kicking and screaming! 
I know he was hurting and there were enough tears between us to float a ship but he didn't fight to keep me.I decided then I had to go. I don't remember moving. It was exactly two weeks from the day I found out.I just remember waking up and being in a strange house, on my own. Maybe I don't want to remember. Our marriage was over.

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