Wednesday, 24 April 2013

What being bipolar feels like

It's part of who I am. It shapes my personality. I would never want to change who I am.

Being bipolar is sometimes the most exciting thing. 
When I'm on a " happy " high every little thing is a joy to me. I am alert, my mind is sharp, I look better, music sounds better, things that usually annoy me don't bother me at all. I find things amusing that really are dull. Life just seems more interesting. I worry less and I work harder. This is what they call hypomania. I love it.
Being bipolar is sometimes the most miserable thing.
When I'm on a low most things bring me little or no joy. I am tired,my mind is clouded with negative thoughts, I look and feel awful, music sounds dreary, things play on my mind . I find things much more difficult to cope with. Life just seems a chore. I worry more and do very little . Thats depression. I hate it.
Being bipolar is sometimes so confusing. I don't know what to think. 
When I'm high and low all at the same time, I don't know how I feel. I am wide awake yet feel tired, my mind is so full it's at bursting point, music is irritating , people are irritating . Every little thing either makes me cry or laugh uncontrollably . Life just seems overwhelming . I obsess over things and can't stop doing. That's a mixed state . I don't get it. 
Being bipolar is sometimes no problem. I know it's still there.
When I'm somewhere in between and everything seems normal, I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I take my medication and try to do everything I can to keep well.
That's life and its bloody hard work.

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