Thursday, 18 April 2013

What did people with bipolar do before the Internet ?

I would hate to know how many hours of my life I've spent on the bloody computer . When I'm depressed I am either asleep or online. When I'm high I'm permanently online.
Going on line when your depressed isn't really therapeutic. Not for me anyway. I just make myself more miserable by  looking up stuff about being depressed or reading about side effects of medication, anything really that adds to my feelings of despair. When I'm high I watch porn a lot and shop !  
Facebook is another strange thing. When I don't want to talk to people I can still keep an eye on what's going  on. I guess it's a type of stalking....that millions  of people do! I wish I'd invented Facebook . Some people have the best ideas. I'm always having ideas but I rarely do anything about them. I usually forget by the time I'm in the frame of mind to do anything about it. Sometimes I write a list of stuff I want to do. It usually ends up so long and so ridiculous that I get upset that I can't do it all and it ends up in the shredder. Hmm I was supposed to be writing about the Internet. Typical  I end up going off on a tangent.
So, back to the Internet. I'm sure without it  I wouldn't have got into so much trouble, yet I dread to think what I'd do without it.
I need the Internet . If I don't want to get out of bed or go outside, it's still there. It gives me power. I can pay my bills, I can shop, I can chat.....but for every positive , there's a negative. I have access to money, I can shop for things I don't need, I can chat to the wrong people.
I wonder what life would be like without . Maybe I'll give it up for a week........nah ! 

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