Friday, 23 August 2013

Things are coming together at last

So things are coming together for my son. He's got a chance of some work and somewhere to stay in Chelmsford with my family. I just have to hope he doesn't fuck it up this time. He won't get another chance like this. At 27 he's still young enough to turn it all around. My sister is picking him up on Saturday. It's been hard having him here. He's my son and I love him but its hard to forget all the things he's done because of the drugs. It's hard to forget about the arguments, the stealing and the lies. I've lost count the number of times I've tried to help him only to see him straight back on the heroin again. I've spent thousands of pounds over the years trying to help set him up with a decent place to live and work. I have a gut feeling that it will be different this time. He seems so much more positive and focused. Being in prison really did do him good. Getting away from his girlfriend and his old life will help I'm sure. He's lucky to have a family that are willing to give him another chance. I'm lucky too because I'm really not well enough to deal with it on my own at the moment. It probably has done me some good having him here but the truth is I can hardly look after myself let alone someone else. He's just gone out and I have to say what a relief it was to hear the door slam. I just cried and cried, so much that my eyes are red and swollen. I'm not sure why I cried. I have been using all my strength to stay strong in front of him. I guess it had to come out at some point. Now I'm  worried  what he might be doing and want him to come back. I don't think I'll ever be able to relax with him around. I want to trust him and I want to believe that he can stay clean but it's been a long time and so much has happened.  He's a grown man, not a child and he has to step up. I need to back off and leave him to it.

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