Sunday, 11 August 2013


As I stuff my face with another handful of medication, I'm wondering if its all a load of crap and that it's the medication that caused half my problems in the first place. 
Maybe the very first time I decided to do what the doctor said and take antidepressants because it would "make me feel better" and " it's perfectly safe" , was the start of it all. Yes I was mildly depressed and yes I was asking for help but millions of people get depressed and get over it without turning to drugs. If I hadn't given in and swallowed that first pill, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here in a complete mess.  
Maybe I haven't got bipolar at all. I'm not denying that I haven't had the symptoms, of course I have, I'm just questioning wether I would've had it all so bad if I'd have left the medication alone. So what if I was a bit up and down. That's just how I was. I don't trust most psychiatrists. All they seem interested in is prescribing as much medication as possible to shut you up. They don't care about wether you can function normally. They don't care if you get a heap load of side effects.  As long as you're  not high as a kite or suicidal they don't give a shit about what happens in between . As long as you keep taking the pills they seem happy. 
I'd love to just flush the lot down the toilet but even I'm not that stupid. If I decide to come off them all I need to do it slowly. Side effects are bad enough, withdrawals can be worse. I would love to just see for myself if I could get better without all that crap inside me. I need to think about it seriously. Well, I have been thinking about it non stop. I'm not well at the moment so it could hardly make things worse. I'm trying to think of the worst possible scenario......I'm already in it. Maybe without all that shit inside me I could think clearly and just be who I am.

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