So £550 to stop my son from being evicted. Something I could have done without but something I had no choice but to pay. If I think about it I might as well have flushed my money down the toilet along with the thousands of pounds I've already given him over the years. Every time I help out I want to believe things will be different but deep down I know I'm just prolonging the inevitable. Nothing will ever change until he makes the decision to stop using drugs. It doesn't matter what I do, making the decision to stop is something only he can do. 

Maybe the thought of being homeless again will scare him into doing something. Maybe I should have let him become homeless. I can only do what I think is right at the time . When you've got your only child begging for your help its impossible to ignore. Maybe if I'd have been tougher from the start he wouldn't rely on me so much. The trouble is he knows that whatever mess he gets into I'm going to bail him out. If I could go back in time I would try to be tougher. 

I've decided to give him an ultimatum this time. I've told him he's got a month to sort the flat out and start getting proper help or I will walk away and disown him like his Dad has already done. He says he's going to do something this time and I said I mean it this time. I don't know if I can see it through but I can't let him keep relying on me. I don't think he believes I mean it either. In the next month I'll try and do everything I can to help. I'll help clean the flat. I'll help him sort his finances and I'll  go to any appointments if he wants. Once the month is up I'm going to walk away. It will be up to him then. 

When he was little I used to look at him and almost burst with pride at how amazing he was. I want to be able to do that again one day but most of all I want him to have pride in himself.