Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Am I bipolar or am I just lazy?

All I seem to be saying to myself at the moment is "I don't know and I don't really care". Probably because I really don't ....know that is. I like to think I still care. I'm in a bit of a mess but I don't have a clue what to do about it. I don't feel that bad, I just don't really feel anything. I don't feel particularly depressed and I'm certainly not manic. I don't know what I am. I can't seem to get myself motivated. I feel tired during the day and wide awake at night. I feel like I need a really good cry or a really good laugh but I can't even do that. Nothing really excites me or gets me going at the moment. I hate to say it but I'm bored and I can't think of anything I'd like to do that would alleviate the boredom. I have snippets of a more upbeat mood where I imagine a whole host of things I'm going to do but when it boils down to it, it's as much as I can do to get up in the morning. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. It probably seems like I'm being nothing more than lazy. I worry that it's me and I'm just a useless lazy person but I know deep down it's not like that. I'm not a naturally sedentary person. I'm not naturally apathetic and unsociable. When I'm really well I have a zest for life. My mood at the moment definitely isn't the norm for me. I guess to say that bipolar has only two moods (manic and depressed) is very misleading. There are a whole range of moods and right now I'm somewhere in there, just not sure where! I guess I have to take each day as it comes, try to have a least one thing planned every day and hope for the best.

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