Wednesday, 19 February 2014

No regrets, just great memories

So, after two years it really has come to an end this time and it really is ok. Having a "relationship" with someone that is nothing more than sex is not something I ever thought I'd do. Not one that lasted so long anyway. I wouldn't have thought it was possible. I'm sure people do it all the time. Ok, so there were a few times where I wondered what on earth I was doing and questioned my feelings for him but I can honestly say that I have had some of the best moments with him and I have good memories that will last forever. I doubt he realised but he helped me get through some tough times.
I was so scared when he said he needed to talk. We never really talked. It's always been just about the sex. I knew what was coming and it sent me into a panic. I guessed he'd met someone and wanted to tell me that we would have to stop meeting up. All sorts of crazy things went through my mind. I convinced myself that I must be in love with him and I'd be miserable without him. I got myself so upset that I just cried and cried. I know now that I reacted like that because of the fear of change and the fear of losing something that's been so good from my life. When he did come round and speak to me about it I realised that yes of course I care and of course I have feelings but that what we'd had never was going to go anywhere. We both knew that from the start. In real life we are worlds apart. We both needed something physical at the time and it suited us both. We knew what we were doing and it was what it was. When he told me about her it did feel strange but I couldn't help but feel happy for him. I really do wish him well. He's a genuinely lovely person. Sometimes I think if you really do care about someone you have to put your own feelings aside and be pleased for them. We didn't have sex. We decided it wouldn't be right.... not even one last time. I'm glad. Twice before we've said it was over and then just carried on. I know it's different this time and somehow I feel relieved. I have been worrying about how it would ever come to a conclusion. I'm just so pleased it ended in a good way. It's inevitable that we'll bump into each other but I know it will be ok. I'd like to think that we will remain on good terms and there's no reason why we shouldn't. I wish him nothing but happiness. I will miss having someone to call on when I'm feeling horny! :-) but at the moment I think I'm going to be celibate for a bit and just be. Maybe one day I'll meet someone to share my life with fully but I'm not going to worry about it.
So, another part of my life sorted. 
The times I spent with him were special. I have no regrets. I'm glad it happened. 

No comments:

Post a Comment