Monday, 11 November 2013

What a difference a day makes....

Some people are special. Some people are just extra special. That's how I see my best friends son. At the weekend I spent the day with him, his girlfriend and his best mate. The two guys were doing a gruelling sixteen mile obstacle course, so as well as to cheer them on I went along to keep his girlfriend company watching them. It was a long, long day. The weather was shit and it was cold and muddy but it was the best day I've had in a long time. It was the best day not just because of the event but because of who I spent it with. I felt honoured that they'd let me be a part of something that was so important to them.
I nearly didn't go. The usual reasons.... they probably didn't really want me there, they only asked me because they felt sorry for me, I'd get in the way, I'd probably do or say something to spoil it, they wouldn't really want some stupid old cow cramping their style. All absolute rubbish reasons and just the usual ridiculous stuff that goes on in my head whenever something is going on. They asked me because they wanted me to go. I didn't feel awkward and I didn't feel out of place. All those insecurities just slipped away as the day went on. I just felt "normal" for a change. They all made me feel part of it and not once did I feel like I shouldn't have been there. I felt so happy and so proud seeing them finish the course. I haven't felt so relaxed for a long time. It's funny but spending a day out in the fresh air, watching the determination on peoples faces as they worked so hard to complete the course really helped me to put things into perspective. What a difference a day makes!
My friends son is the same age as my own son. They used to play together when they were little. That's it, that's the only thing they have in common. I know that I can rely on my friends son 100%. I know that he would do anything he possibly could if I was in trouble. I know he really cares and I know he loves me. Whenever I'm ill or something has happened he is always one of the first people to visit or even just text to see if I'm ok. He doesn't treat me any differently because of my bipolar. He listens when I go on about it and is encouraging without being patronising.  He treats me with respect and it's genuine. His girlfriend is the same. She has accepted me unconditionally as part of the family. I love them both very much. I can't say the same about my own son. Of course I love him more than anything. I know he loves me in his own way but I can't make him into something he's not. I have to accept that years of drug taking has made him selfish. I long for the day when he rings me just to see how I am instead of wanting money. I long for the day he rings me up just to say he loves me. I don't ever think it will happen and that really hurts.
Even when everything seems to be falling apart and I'm struggling to make sense of anything, knowing I have the love and support of a few special people really does help. My friend has four sons. They have all helped me in different ways over the years. I am certain that I could turn to any one of them and they would do their best to help. That really is something to be thankful for.
The best thing about it all is that I know my best friend doesn't mind at all that I "borrow"  her family every now and then and that really is special.

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