Cancer sucks ! There's no getting away from it. As soon as anyone mentions the dreaded C word it brings fear. As soon as you mention the C word people look at you as if you're some sort of hero.
Well I can tell you as soon as you mention the B word the reaction isn't the same. Bipolar sucks too actually! So do plenty of other shitty illnesses! Sometimes people do have that look of fear when I tell them I have Bipolar but not for the same reasons. The thing is what goes on in your head can be just as bad, sometimes worse than physical illness. Put it all together and it's not a great combination.
If it wasn't for the NHS I'd have been dead about 10 years ago so I'm really grateful that we have it. It just amazes that there is still so much ignorance and stigma surrounding mental health. You'd think that with all the mental health awareness campaigns and encouraging people to talk and be more open about it that health care professionals would have more empathy and knowledge. Don't get me wrong, there are many that have amazing insight but unfortunately equally as many that seem clueless.
I worked in the NHS for 20 years so I know how it is.
It seems that each department deals with their bit and they're not interested in looking at the whole person.
I find this difficult to grasp because mental and physical health go hand in hand. Taking care of your mental health makes it so much easier to cope when you're physically sick.
Doctors tend to disregard mental health completely or blame symptoms they can't explain straight away on mental health.
I get that it must be difficult because I find it hard to know what's causing what myself... and it's my body. When I had a heart attack I thought I was having a panic attack!
All the way through I've had to fight to be heard. Thankfully my GP knows me well enough to know that if I go to him complaining of pain he needs to investigate and not just brush it aside.
He's one of very few doctors I've met that treats me holistically. Right from the start of this whole nightmare he recognised that such a traumatic physical illness could impact hugely on my mental health and could lead to a relapse in Bipolar. He referred me back to mental health and I have had access to support from the Specialist Mental Health team. I'm really lucky to have someone I can call on and that has made a huge difference. It's made all the difference. In fact I'd go as far as to say it's made a life or death difference. Yes ...you can die from Bipolar as well as Cancer. I nearly did.
I'm not saying the impact of having cancer is worse because of Bipolar or that I need preferential treatment. I'm saying a Bipolar diagnosis or any mental illness should be taken into consideration when treating someone.
I've had a number of incidences that could have tipped me over the edge but thankfully I'm fortunate to have a good support network and people to fight my corner, especially my big sister who has advocated for me all the way through and very close friends. I have experienced vast differences in how I've been treated and if I didn't have the support I would have given up.
The nurse that asked if Bipolar came under "dilusional".
The nurse I overheard talking to the specialist ..."she's refusing medication because she's bipolar"
The Dr that wrote in his report in inverted commas ..she admits to being "bipolar"
The nurse that asked if I had anxiety then told me "well of course everyone has that nowadays"
The Dr that said he didn't know I had Bipolar and that it wasn't relevant anyway.
The nurse that said "oh you poor thing , well you seem normal, you seem very clever"
I could go on. These things may seem trivial but they do have a huge impact.
Negative things always take longer to forget somehow.
On the other end of the scale I've had some really good experiences which I'm certain helped me recover much more quickly.
The nurse who when I told her I have Bipolar asked straight away "is there anything we can do to make your stay in hospital easier?"
The nurse who acknowledged my need for my own space and routine so organised for me to have my own room.
The nurses who got me through panic attacks in the middle of the night.
The nurse who chatted to me when I was awake at ridiculous times in the night.
All those nurses who acknowledged my problems yet treated me as an intelligent human being.
Probably to the outside world I've coped amazingly well and I suppose I have, but just because I remain positive on the outside doesn't mean that I'm not struggling on a daily basis. I haven't miraculously been cured of Bipolar just because I have/had Cancer.
I have worked hard to keep myself well and I've learned ways to deal with things. Things have improved over the years as far as mental health awareness goes but there's still a long way to go.
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