Guilty Until Proven Innocent

So I went for my scan results. Obviously I knew they weren't going to be saying I'm cured. That won't happen for years, if ever.
It wasn't bad news. It was actually pretty good news. There are no signs of anything suspicious in my abdomen or bowel or liver. Everything has healed really well since the surgery and all the bowel problems I've been having are probably due to the fact I had surgery and my bowel is shorter and isn't working as efficiently...hopefully nothing a change in diet won't address. They have arranged another Colonoscopy to make doubly sure....  so really I should be celebrating. Woohoo!

There always has to be a BUT though. It's never straightforward. There always has to be something that they can't give answers to.  There always has to be some problem that can't be sorted without waiting.
So apparently now I have 2 lung nodules, one on each lung. At the last appointment they only mentioned one. I've had numerous scans before and they weren't there then. One has shrunk slightly but the other one has grown.
They could just be benign nodules and nothing to worry about or they could be the cancer spread to my lungs. They just don't know so they want to wait and scan again in three months to see if there are any changes. If I hadn't already had cancer that had metastasized I'd probably still worry but not half as much. I can't help thinking the worst.  I asked why they can't do a biopsy or remove them as one has already got bigger. I don't want to have what happened last time when I had a mass that more than doubled in size by the time they decided to remove it. They've now agreed to send my scan results to a lung specialist to ask for his opinion. That makes me feel slightly better about it.

I don't know what's going to happen about my back operation either now. The oncologist and orthopaedic doctors were supposed to be liasing ... that hasn't happened ... which is no surprise really. They say they can't advise the orthopaedic surgeon. They can't say yes everything is fine go ahead. All they can do is give him the scan results and he will have to make the decision. I'm seeing him in a couple of weeks and hoping he'll still agree to getting it done sooner rather than later.

I really should just put it all out of my mind. Could be nothing ... innocent until proven guilty. The thing is they said that about the mass in my pelvis, about the stricture in my bowel, about the polyps in my bowel... they could have been nothing but turned out to be something. I don't trust the words "it could be nothing". I can't help but think of anything that shouldn't be there as guilty until proven innocent !

So now I have to wait yet again and try to put it all to the back of my mind and get on with things. Of course that's easier said than done ... one minute I feel fine about it and quite positive, the next I feel like it's all going to end in disaster.
Don't worry until I really have something to worry about. Yep ... I can do that piece of cake !   I can't but I'll try my hardest.