I'm Still Alive...Yay ! 

So much has happened in the last few years it's unbelievable when I think about it. I could write a book ! I've decided to start this blog again instead.
I really ought to change the name of it from
"Surviving Crazy...My life with Bipolar" to "Surviving Crazy...My life with Bipolar and a whole host of other shitty illnesses and traumas "
Bit long winded though and a bit gloomy sounding !!!

Bipolar disorder, heart attack, fractured pelvis, osteoporosis, spondylolisthesis, spinal stenosis, Graves disease (hyperthyroid), Stage 4 bowel cancer, ovarian tumour...  I've probably forgotten something but that'll do. Don't want to be greedy!
I also moved house, lost my "best friend" (she's not dead btw, but that's another story), made new best friends, made more new friends, fell in and out of love and back again, took up photography, stopped driving, started driving again, visited places I'd never been before, lost touch with people, reunited with people, laughed more than I've ever done before and cried more than I've ever done before and countless other things ... It's been eventful !

How ironic that I've spent half my life battling with thoughts of suicide and wishing my life away yet when faced with a cancer diagnosis I decided dying wasn't an option and I want to live forever.
Dying doesn't actually worry me ...living in pain and not being able to do the things I want to do really scares me. Not being in control scares me.
Well...  I'm still here and somehow I always get through.

I want to share my experiences of two very different but potentially life threatening illnesses...cancer and bipolar and the impact they've had on me and those around me.
I wouldn't like to say which one is worse. It's a bit daft when people try to compare illnesses. The worst one is the one that's causing you the most grief at the time. I wouldn't wish either on my worst enemy yet both have given me insights into life that I might not have had without them.
Of course it's not all been doom and gloom. I've met so many amazing people and made some great friends along the way. I've done things that I may never have done if circumstances had been different.
The way things are at the moment it would be easy to say I feel like the unluckiest person alive, but no, I'm going to turn it on its head and say I'm the luckiest person alive because I'm still here and the good things I have going on far outweigh the bad.
I don't have a crystal ball to see into the future. I don't think I'd want to know anyway. I'm just trying to get on with things as best as I can. Writing helps me to organise my thoughts and get things off my chest.  At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if anyone reads it or not. Maybe it might help just one person put things into perspective or gain some insight and that would be a bonus.
That's enough for now I think, so I'm making this my first new blog post.