I wanted to write this short blog post because I don't want anyone to think I'm about to drop down dead !
As soon as you mention the words Stage 4 cancer people assume it's a death sentence.
Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer
Colorectal cancer metastasized to the ovaries
Krukenberg tumour
Type any of these terms into Google and it's pretty grim reading. Statistically the prognosis is poor ... the word terminal pops up quite frequently. The five year survival rate for metastatic colon cancer is less than 15% according to the first article that popped up. There's very little information about Krukenberg tumour and what there is, well it's dismal reading and unless you're a mathematician statistics are pretty confusing.
If everything I read was true I'd be planning my funeral by now.
That's the trouble with Googling you don't always get the full picture. I always do it though. I can't help myself. I still do it now, trying to find that one article that tells me something in my favour.
The thing about cancer statistics is they don't take into account individual factors or specific treatments. They are based on broad numbers of people and are at least five years old. Treatments are advancing all the time. People can be cured and people can live for years with the right care. There are so many factors involved.
So it's not necessarily a death sentence. My tumours were accessible and removable. The cancer spread from my bowel to my ovaries and as far as they could tell it hadn't spread any further. I've had surgery (which I'll talk about later) which was potentially curative. They think they got it all.
So ...... maybe I am cancer free, maybe I am cured. They can't tell me I'm cured. Only time will tell but I'm hopeful.
Sod statistics!
I'm Still Alive...Yay !
So much has happened in the last few years it's unbelievable when I think about it. I could write a book ! I've decided to start this blog again instead.
I really ought to change the name of it from
"Surviving Crazy...My life with Bipolar" to "Surviving Crazy...My life with Bipolar and a whole host of other shitty illnesses and traumas "
Bit long winded though and a bit gloomy sounding !!!
Bipolar disorder, heart attack, fractured pelvis, osteoporosis, spondylolisthesis, spinal stenosis, Graves disease (hyperthyroid), Stage 4 bowel cancer, ovarian tumour... I've probably forgotten something but that'll do. Don't want to be greedy!
I also moved house, lost my "best friend" (she's not dead btw, but that's another story), made new best friends, made more new friends, fell in and out of love and back again, took up photography, stopped driving, started driving again, visited places I'd never been before, lost touch with people, reunited with people, laughed more than I've ever done before and cried more than I've ever done before and countless other things ... It's been eventful !
How ironic that I've spent half my life battling with thoughts of suicide and wishing my life away yet when faced with a cancer diagnosis I decided dying wasn't an option and I want to live forever.
Dying doesn't actually worry me ...living in pain and not being able to do the things I want to do really scares me. Not being in control scares me.
Well... I'm still here and somehow I always get through.
I want to share my experiences of two very different but potentially life threatening illnesses...cancer and bipolar and the impact they've had on me and those around me.
I wouldn't like to say which one is worse. It's a bit daft when people try to compare illnesses. The worst one is the one that's causing you the most grief at the time. I wouldn't wish either on my worst enemy yet both have given me insights into life that I might not have had without them.
Of course it's not all been doom and gloom. I've met so many amazing people and made some great friends along the way. I've done things that I may never have done if circumstances had been different.
The way things are at the moment it would be easy to say I feel like the unluckiest person alive, but no, I'm going to turn it on its head and say I'm the luckiest person alive because I'm still here and the good things I have going on far outweigh the bad.
I don't have a crystal ball to see into the future. I don't think I'd want to know anyway. I'm just trying to get on with things as best as I can. Writing helps me to organise my thoughts and get things off my chest. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if anyone reads it or not. Maybe it might help just one person put things into perspective or gain some insight and that would be a bonus.
That's enough for now I think, so I'm making this my first new blog post.
